A little funny for you.

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, 'I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS'. The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.' The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?' Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: 'May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please,' she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. 'We have a passenger here at Gate number 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If any of you can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14.' With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, 'F*** You!!!' Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit) 'I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too!!!

Do you know the answer?

Pre-ejaculate (the fluid a man produces before he properly ejaculates or 'comes’) does not contain sperm’ Do you think statement is true or false? a) True b) False

A cute quiz

Lets face it, most of us men think of ourselves as gifted lovers who only take small, but necessary breaks from the rigors of sex in order to earn a living or catch a ballgame. We are all sex gods, knowledgeable in ancient sexual techniques that get women so aroused just the sight of us will send them into hours of sexual ecstasy. Of course, we also believe we buy Hustler only to make a statement about free speech. The truth is, most men spend more time talking about sex than engaging in it (with the possible exception of phone sex, when both occur simultaneously), and even fewer of us know the first thing about the subject. Would you like to prove you actually have the knowledge to match your ego? Just take this test:

1) The true definition of safe sex is:

A) Using a condom.
B) Having your penis laminated.
C) Dating only Janet Reno look-a-likes.
D) Rigging your waterbed with a padded headboard that serves as a flotation device (in the unlikely event of a water landing).

2) Your woman believes an enormous penis to be:

A) Very important.
B) Similar to the Loch Ness Monster; an unproven legend she believes resides deep inside some foreign body.
C) Only important in the event the Energizer Bunny stops pounding away.
D) Her preferred method for scratching a tickle in her throat, but she has switched to cough drops since meeting you.

3) The biggest myth about sex is:

A) Masturbation will make you blind.
B) (Read B again).
C) People who write sex quizzes are not sexually gifted.
D) You might actually get to experience it some day.

4) Women think that a man with huge hands:

A) Has a great chance of being picked up when hitchhiking.
B) Always gets caught in the cookie jar.
C) Never fails to start the "wave" at sporting events.
D) All of the below.

5) Your penis is so small:

A) Your condoms are often mistaken for thimbles.
B) Whenever a woman sees it, you try to convince her you used to date Lorena Bobbit.
C) You joined a coed nude water polo league hoping the icy water might help when the women compared you to the other men.
D) You pray America will switch to the metric system so you can say it's a "6."

6) Women prefer that sex be:

A) Slow and passionate.
B) Fast and rough.
C) With anyone but you.
D) All of the above.

7) The quickest way to tell if a man is lousy in bed:

A) They ask if you believe that it is possible for a woman to enjoy sex.
B) When they hear the term "French tickler," they ask what it is called if they do not speak French.
C) They call the cleaners to order G-Spot remover.
D) They take "sexual knowledge" quizzes.

8) The most popular sexual position is:

A) Missionary.
B) "69."
C) Doggie style.
D) Quarterback.

9) What is the best use for baby oil?

A) You mix it with vinegar and use it as a dressing on salads when the vegetables aren't ripe yet.
B) To silence all those annoying squeaky babies.
C) During daytime sex when the woman will actually see your face and need desperate help to become wet.
D) It should never be used because too many babies must be squeezed in order to get just one bottle.

10) It's always best to buy extra pairs of edible panties:

A) So you will have a snack for the drive home.
B) To hand out to the hot little 4-year-olds in your neighborhood when they say "trick or treat."
C) It is?
D) Mom always warned you to wear clean ones in case you are ever in an accident.

11) A guaranteed way to reach orgasm in under 10 seconds is:

A) Do what you always do.
B) Refer to answer A.

12) The thing that makes the average male incredibly horny is:

A) A sheep dressed by Frederick's of Hooterville.
B) Oxygen.
C) Going without sex for 6-8 minutes.
D) Being in an oxygen tent with a sheep dressed by Frederick's of Hooterville that you haven't had sex with for 6- 8 minutes.

Scoring:
For each:
A = 5 points
B = 1.377 points
C =subtract 2.11 points
D = 0 points
E = 2,500 points
If You Scored: Between -27.43 and +2,560 points: You have too much free time. Stop taking sex quizzes and go find a friend other than your right hand.

Do you know the answer?

How fast do you think ejaculate travels in miles per hour (mph)? a) 1 mph b) 10 mph c) 5 mph Be the first one to email me with the right answer and I will send you a free minute to call me on Nite Flirt.

Do you know the answer?

Can swallowing lots of semen make me fat? a) Yes b) No Be the first one to email me with the right answer and I will send you a free minute to call me on Nite Flirt.

Things You'll Never Hear a sub say to their Master

.....How was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to put your leather pants in the washer?

Yeah, right... SPANK THIS!

Tomorrow night, I get to tie you up, right?

God, you Dom's think the world should bow before you!

And just what do you think you are going to do with that paddle?

Sorry, I got a date tomorrow night. Some other time, perhaps?

Spanking? I-THINK-NOT!

Who died and left you in charge?

Do your own damn laundry!

And the #1 thing you will never hear a sub say to their Master...

What do I look like, your maid?

What do you think the answer is?

How many sperm are there in the average ejaculation (when a man 'comes’)?
a) Up to 50,000
b) Up to 100 million
c) Up to 300 million
Be the first to email me the right answer and I will send you a free minute on to call me on Nite Flirt!

Thinking of my Pvt Ryan

So I have this fellow who calls once in a while and charms the pants right off of me....or skirt or shorts or what ever I am wearing. LOL. He is a total sweet heart and this original story is dedicated to him. I was at party where several Masters were enjoying the slaves that were available for their enjoyment. Some of the slaves were collared. Some were like me, a bit of a sammy heart. I was searching for a Master to match my will,a Master who would know just how to use me, to bend me to his or her will, with out breaking me, a master who finds more value in a slave who chooses to serve rather then one who is forced. That's when I walked into General Ryan. I stood there looking him eye to eye almost daring him to try to control and command me. Several minutes went by with out either of us saying a word. Then he stepped back to allow me to pass. It surprised me that he didn't try and force his will on me. As I walked by him he touched my arm and whispered in my ear, "I don't have to force you to do what I wish. You will do my will because you choose to." Then he walked away. Something about the way he said it made me believe him to be just that capable. I sat there watching him the rest of the night wondering just how he could make me do what he wished. I watched as a couple of sluts sucked his cock then took turns ridding him. When he stood up both whores went back to work sucking his thick dick. Then just before he came down one of the sluts throat, he looked up at me and locked his gaze with mine. With arrogance he smiled. He was imagining my mouth on his cock. I could see it in his gaze. I was so turned on. It was so fucking hot! I sat there watching him, wanting to be the slut that was swallowing his load. His smile told me he knew what I wanted too. I wasnt sure I liked the fact he knew what I wanted, but my body loved that he knew. He sat down with that knowing grin watching me scrim. When he crooked his finger at me commanding me to come to him I couldnt resist. I wanted to serve him. I needed to serve him. I choose to serve him.

Do you know the answer?

If a man doesn’t ejaculate (or come) for a long time, what happens to his sperm? a) They die and are absorbed into the body b) They sit in the balls (testicles) becoming stale and old c) They swim back up the urethra to testicles where they are made into new sperm. Be the first to email me with the right answer and I will send you a free min to call me on Nite Flirt.

What do you think the answer is?

Which of these has the most nerve endings, more than any other in the body? a) The penis b) The vagina c) The testicles d) The clitoris Be the first to email me the right answer and I will send you a free minute on to call me on Nite Flirt!